


It's not enough

by TransparentSheepDeer



Category: Devilman (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon: Devilman Crybaby, Fluff and Angst, M/M, basically the plot starts from akira having already lived with ryo for some time, just to be clear though this is fluff to angst, not angst to fluff, okay this work needed a summary change, theres always angst when i try to write them in character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-19
Updated: 2019-09-19
Packaged: 2020-11-02 08:14:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20680073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TransparentSheepDeer/pseuds/TransparentSheepDeer
Summary: After the death of his loved ones, Akira seeks peace. But with the world in chaos, it is impossible to do so.Ryo is the only one left waiting for him. Or, more precisely - the only one who wants something from him.If Akira stays with him, there will be no going back.But maybe if he does, he can finally forget.





	It's not enough

"Isn't it a little cold for a swim?" Ryo asked.

Akira expected him to try to free his arm, but Ryo didn't move. "Of course it's not."

"Says the guy with thick skin."

Akira pulled him to the edge of the pool. "Alright, fine. Then let's just put in our legs. How does that sound?"

Ryo sighed. "I can't say anything that will convince you, can I?"

"No, you can't!" Akira said cheerfully, pulling Ryo with him as he sat. "You need a break every now and then too, Ryo."

Although Ryo remained unimpressed, Akira knew that since he was letting him do this, he was in a good mood.

Akira swung his legs into the water, and grunted when he realized just how cold it was. "Fuck."

"Told you."

"Just your legs! Please."

Ryo did so with a sigh. He gave no reaction to the cold water aside from a small wince.

Akira watched their legs in the water for a while, swinging his own back and forth, from left to right, from right to left. Ryo didn't mimic him, he sat in peace and looked at their surroundings.

Akira understood why. Although the power grid was barely flickering in the city, the one in the building was still working normally. The pool was lit by bright white lights, which cast light rippling shadows from the water onto the pool's walls.

There were no lights turned on in the living room, as Akira had turned them off for the Aesthetic.

He noticed the white ripples on his own legs, then glanced at Ryo's. His gaze wandered from his ankles to his knees, then to his thighs and stomach, eventually his face.

Ryo caught him staring. He turned his head to him, his face illuminated by the light. "What?"

Akira couldn't tear his gaze away from him. Ryo's eyes reflected the pool's water, making them almost glow. He looked kind of... angelic.

At that, Akira laughed, which made Ryo frown. "What?" he asked again, this time with an annoyed undertone.

Akira shook his head. "I just... you know, it's funny."

Ryo's expression turned even more annoyed. "What is funny?"

Akira shrugged, trying to calm his heart that started beating so hard for some reason. "You and I. Here. At the end of the world."

Ryo's expression changed back to neutral. "I see."

Akira decided that he was done with his shit. He scooted closer to him and put his arm around his shoulders, pulling him a bit closer. "Don't be like that! Talk to me."

Aside from angling his head differently, Ryo made no attempt to free himself from his grip. "I _am_ talking to you."

"I mean, have a conversation with me. Reply something other than 'Oh, I see' for once."

Ryo pushed him away with an arm. "Akira."

Akira let him go. "What? I'm serious. It's so hard to talk to you sometimes. You never tell me anything about your thoughts if it's not about..." He gestured around themselves. "Business."

Ryo fixed him with a tired look, but didn't say anything.

Akira sighed, tilting his head in an attempt to seem friendlier. "I'm sorry. It's just, you are the only one-" His voice broke, and he couldn't finish the sentence.

Ryo blinked. "That's... not something I have considered," he said slowly, in a manner which let Akira know he was only trying to be honest for his sake. "But... I'm afraid I..." He fidgeted with his hand. "...don't know how to talk about anything else."

Akira felt tears prick at his eyes. "Why not?" he asked.

Ryo suck in a breath, and Akira saw that he was trying really hard to be emotionless.

He was failing. "I don't- I never had anyone, beside you," Ryo said, uncharacteristically slowly.

Before he could go on, Akira wrapped his arms around him, sobbing. "I'm so sorry."

Ryo couldn't return the touch properly, but he put his hand on Akira's left shoulder. "Okay."

Akira pulled back, wiping his eyes and nose. "'Okay'?" he repeated. "What’s that supposed to mean?"

Ryo shrugged, and he looked lost. The Ryo kind of lost, where Akira could only tell how he felt because he wouldn't look him in the eye. "Well, I..." He raised his hands, palms turning upwards, as if that could help him form words. "Thank you... for that?" he said, voice rising at the end.

Akira shook his head fondly. "You don't have to thank me."

Ryo made an explicitly confused expression. "What-? But you just-"

Akira's cheeks turned warm. "Oh, I, uh- right, sorry."

Ryo examined him, face slowly returning to neutral again, with a small trace of uncertainty. But now that Akira could make him open up a little, he was not going to let him go back to his shell again.

He nodded his chin in Ryo's direction. "So. What do you think?"

"About what?"

"About all of this."

"I don't know what you mean."

"Like... isn't it absurd? This whole scenario?"

"You are going to have to be more specific than that."

Akira sighed, squashing down a feeling of annoyance. Ryo was not good at this. "I mean that, outside- I mean, down there-"

He pointed at his right, his arm almost smacking Ryo in the face. "Uh, sorry."

He angled his arm differently, now pointing behind Ryo, touching minuscule parts of his shoulders. "Down there, there is devastation, war, death, fear..." He stopped pointing with his arm, letting it down slowly.

"And then, we are up _here_," he continued, looking at Ryo. "Next to a chlorinated pool, with the lights off inside by choice. Talking."

Ryo returned his gaze steadily, eyes flitting over his face every now and then. If only Akira knew what he was thinking.

The pool's water was mostly calm now. Akira saw every single little movement of the water, every ripple, every bubble, dancing across Ryo's skin - his nose, his lips, his neck, his shoulders.

He realized, then, how close they were to each other, thighs almost touching, his hand next to Ryo's back on the ground, Ryo leaning back just enough for his arm to brush against his skin. Ryo's eyes boring into his, their faces so close that Akira noticed that Ryo had peach fuzz on his upper lips.

And then he also realized that none of them were saying anything, and that could result in Ryo moving away from him.

"Right?" he muttered, in an attempt to save - or, more precisely -, _start_ the conversation. "What do you think about this?"

He half expected Ryo to wake from a trance, realize that they were not meant to be this close, and get away from him rapidly.

But that didn't happen. Ryo either didn't notice, or didn't mind all of this.

In fact, he looked just as mesmerized by Akira as Akira was by him. "It's... alright," Ryo whispered, eyes flitting lower than Akira's eyes. "Not absurd. I don’t mind being here with you."

Akira felt a smile forming on his face. It felt like a stupid smile, and he tried to stop it, but his muscles refused to work for him. "Hah. Yeah, I... with you, too."

Ryo's lips were very pale. A little pink, but still very pale. Akira wondered how they would look like if he got cold in the water, if his lips would turn purple or blue, or if they would stay just as pale.

Just when a different thought emerged about Ryo’s lips, there was a sound that resembled a pop.

Akira jumped. “What the hell!”

Ryo grabbed onto the edge of the pool. “Can you see?”

“See-? What do you-” Oh, wait. “Did the lights go out?”

Ryo’s eyes flickered around to him, trying to find the source of his voice. “Yes.”

Akira put his hand on Ryo’s shoulder.

Ryo gasped and squatted it away. “What the fuck was that?”

“Relax!” Akira put his hands up. “It’s just me.” He realized what the problem was. “Oh, right, you can’t see. My bad.”

Ryo sighed, his expression tired. Much more tired than he usually let Akira see.

It was… fascinating to have a glimpse now.

Ryo looked so… _real_.

“Hey,” Akira said, gently. “Let me lead you. I’ll put my hand on your shoulder again.”

This time, Ryo didn’t flinch.

Akira led him back to the living room couch and sat.

He would have never thought that watching Ryo do the same could ever be so comical; Ryo put his hands on the couch’s edge first, feeling the fabric. Then, he turned around to get in a sitting position, and slowly lowered himself, while he looked like he expected there to be a hole. And during all of it, he had this look on his face, as if he had just been shown a gross video he didn’t know how to comprehend.

Akira couldn’t help a giggle.

Ryo, now finally sat, glared at the spot next to Akira’s head. “What?” he demanded.

Akira shook his head. “It’s funny to see you interact with the world.”

Ryo rolled his eyes, biting his bottom lip for a brief moment.

Akira examined him, now more… contempt, than happy.

Why did he act so differently? Why was his mask gone in the dark? Why didn’t he do this any other time?

The difference was so in-your-face that Akira couldn’t help but frown. “Hey, Ryo.”

“I am here,” Ryo said, slowly leaning into the couch. “As you can still see, I suppose.”

He crossed his arms and legs. Now, Akira was not too good at reading body language, but he once heard Miki say that crossed limbs basically meant the person did not like what they were hearing.

Akira was confused. “What’s wrong? What did I do? Are you really angry at me for being able to see in the dark?”

“I’m angry because you can see _me_, but I can’t see _you_.”

“Don’t you have night goggles?”

“Do I have them on?”

Akira groaned. “What do you want me to do? Close my eyes?”

Ryo stared ahead into the distance. “…actually, that’s a great idea.”

“You gotta be kidding me,” Akira said, looking at Ryo. Why wouldn’t he make eye cont- oh, right, he still couldn’t see in the dark. Fuck, Akira was not used to this.

He noticed a small twitch at the corner of Ryo’s mouth. An almost-smile. “Why? Wouldn’t that make us equals?”

“Are you planning to fight me in the dark, or something? Because if you are, I can guarantee to you that my fight or flight response will not let me have my eyes closed.”

A giggle escaped Ryo, which he tried to catch by clasping a hand over his mouth. Of course, by then, the sound was already heard by Akira.

“Even if you kept them open, you had no chance against me,” Ryo said, a smirk on his lips.

Akira put an arm on the couch’s backseat. “Oh, really? Why is that?”

Ryo leapt at him before he even finished the sentence. Had Akira’s reflexes not been as delicate as they were, Ryo would have tackled him for sure.

But as it was, Akira pinned him back down, holding down his arms, breathing hard, despite not having made a real effort.

Ryo stared up at him, pupils searching for something to fixate on. “Well, this is… embarrassing.”

Akira grinned down at him, but Ryo gave no response to it. His eyes remained unfocused and moving, and it annoyed Akira so much that he let go of one of his arms to-

Ryo’s eyes widened, gaze settling in one place finally when he felt Akira’s hand on his cheek.

“Hey,” Akira murmured, “my eyes are up here.”

Ryo’s face was… open. Welcoming in a way Akira didn’t expect.

What was happening to him?

Ryo continued to look at him, though Akira knew he only saw darkness. But with the knowledge that Akira was looking back, that made everything different.

Because Ryo didn’t even try to toss him off. Didn’t try to distract him to shove him off. He made no moves at all.

In fact, it almost looked like he-

Ryo freed one of his arms and a hand was on Akira’s cheek a second later.

Akira’s face tingled from his touch.

Fuck.

Fuck.

This was really happening, wasn’t it?

Ryo’s gaze shifted a little. He looked like he was trying to place Akira’s eyes somewhere. His thumb moved to caress Akira’s skin.

“Where’s your mouth?” Ryo whispered.

His thumb swiped right underneath his bottom lip, causing Akira to shiver. “Why would you need to know that?” he whispered back.

Ryo’s thumb found what he was looking for. “So you close your eyes.”

Akira wanted to smile, but with Ryo’s thumb on his lip, he didn’t dare. “Those two sentences kind of seem, uh, unrelated to me. You need to know where my mouth is so I close my eyes?”

Ryo’s gaze was, with a 100% certainty, on his lips. “Yeah. I don’t see the problem.”

Akira felt like he was made out of pink slime inside. “Of course you don’t,” he blurted, just to be annoying.

Ryo closed his eyes and pressed his lips together. “_Why_?”

Akira couldn’t abstain from smiling. Ryo’s thumb brushed his lips as they stretched to the sides, and Akira thought he was going to explode and cover Ryo in his pink, slimy remains.

“Seriously,” he squeaked. “Why do you want me to?”

Ryo sighed. “Because it’s… more sentimental. And you like sentimental, don’t you?”

Akira’s cheeks were red. Were they talking about what he thought they were talking about? “Yeah, I… do. Thanks.”

It was Ryo’s turn to ask, with a grin: “’Thanks?’ What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Shut up,” Akira whispered, “shut up.”

Ryo freed his other arm from him. He cupped Akira’s face, pulling him in. “_Make me_.”

One of Akira’s brain cells laughed at the contradiction - that Ryo asked to be shut up, while also pulling him in.

But the rest of Akira barely remembered to continue breathing when he felt Ryo’s lips.

They were plush, and not as thin as they looked, and warm, and soft, and _moving_ against Akira’s own.

Akira closed his eyes, drinking it all in.

Ryo’s nose bumping against his cheek.

Ryo sliding his hand in his hair.

Ryo, Ryo, _Ryo_.

The pink slime inside Akira tried to break free, break free and become one with the feeling of Ryo's kiss. He wanted to- _needed_ to get closer to him.

To get closer to him and stop thinking. To get closer to him and forget about everything else. To feel nothing but his arms around his neck. The tiny huffs on his cheek when Ryo exhaled through his nose.

The kiss started to taste like salt.

Ryo pulled away. "Why are you crying?" he asked.

His hand wiped away a drop of tear from Akira's face. "I don't know."

"You have no reason to."

Akira tried masking a sob by putting a hand over his mouth. His throat tightened to the point where talking only caused him to cry more. "Everyone," he chocked, "everyone I ever cared about is gone."

He buried his face in Ryo's shoulder, in a last attempt to stop himself from bawling. Biting his bottom lip. Wondering if it would bleed.

He felt Ryo shake his head. "What are you talking about? I'm still here."

His tear ducts did not hold any longer. His body trembled with the first sob. Then came the next. And the third. And the one after that.

Each hurt more than the one before.

Ryo did not remove his arms from around him, but he did not try to stop his tears either.

Eventually, Akira could not continue to cry anymore.

He went limp, not caring whether he crushed Ryo with his weight or not.

Ryo finally made a move. A small one - his hand threaded through his hair. "I thought we talked about this."

Akira sniffled, but did not respond. In the dark, it was easy to pretend he was alone. To keep his eyes shut and try to fall asleep. To escape the world.

Ryo's hand stopped. "Akira?"

"Mm."

"There is nothing you can change now. Why are you not over this?"

"_This_," Akira murmured. "is my family you are talking about."

Ryo sighed. "Why do you have to be so complicated? You have _me_."

And his hands cupped Akira's face. Despite his inability to see, Ryo tried looking him in the eye. Knowing that Akira would see.

That he could see just how many layers his mask had.

"This is just the beginning, for you and I," Ryo said. "Do you hear me? The beginning."

Akira shut his eyes. "I hear you," he croaked.

Ryo exhaled. "Good."

Akira waited for him to go on, but he didn't. Instead, he let go of his face and continued to stroke his hair.

Akira was too tired. Too tired to care, to argue.

He closed his eyes and fell asleep in Ryo's embrace...

**Author's Note:**

> i am a simple man. i develop a crush on my best friend and deny it for over a year and a half, then i write a ryokira fic to cope with having zero idea about what to do about that.
> 
> ANYWAY kudos and comments appreciated fsjkgsfxb, thank you for reading!


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